if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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