It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
