It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
