The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
