what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
