I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she peed on how many people?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
