I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my vag is so smooth its legendary
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
