I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
