I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
