Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
