ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
