Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
