Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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