I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
