So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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