I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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