So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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