Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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