If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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