I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
