dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
