but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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