omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
