She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
