my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My bed smells like the plague
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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