I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
