I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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