Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
