I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
