look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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