marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
