I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Too much gin, very little bucket
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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