Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
