Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
