Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
