i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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