the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
