OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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