Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
