I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
