I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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