You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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