At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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