what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
