I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
