I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i think i have two assholes
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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