I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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