On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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