just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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