The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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