You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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