it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
