it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
