im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
