Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
