Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
