we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
