Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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