marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
