I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
