in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
